Why I don’t recommend self care

Let's acknowledge that the title is totally click-bait. And it is also true.

Hear me out. Self-care as you see on most social media is a thing you buy. It’s essential oils and bath bombs, get a massage and fancy hair conditioner, facial masks and candles. Hey - I love ALL those things. But having them equated to self-care makes me crazy. During those moments when self-care is needed most, when I’m really struggling to get out of bed, much less get things done, I’m not entirely sure what a facial mask is going to do other than hopefully make my face feel soft.

Lately, I’ve been using the phrase “stress resilience” rather than “self care” because every time I say “self care” to a client, they assume I mean to buy something. Personally. I’ve never been able to buy my way into stress resilience, though that hasn’t stopped me from trying. I was telling someone last week that I was sure (SURE) having a sauna would make everything better. My logical brain tells me this is hooey. My stressed brain disagrees and currently is hyperfocusing on where in my house there is enough room to jam in a sauna (spoiler alert, there is zero room for this, and also no budget).

What does help with stress resilience? For me, having someone listen, saying no to things that don’t keep people alive (in other words, this is not the moment to volunteer to serve on a committee), and bringing my expectations way, way down.  Therapists often check in by asking “are you eating, are you sleeping, are you talking to people” as a way to assess stress resilience practices. So eat something. Take a shower every once in a while. Walk right past that messy floor and take a nap. Or if it feels better, rage clean that floor! I had one client tell me that yoga did nothing for her, but watching Real Housewives felt ah-may-zing! Another client deliberately cooks foods she enjoyed in childhood as a way to bring back small moments of calm. 

Think in terms of a marathon, not a sprint. Stress resilience (or self-care if we must) shouldn’t create more stress in your life. 

If you’re feeling the brunt of burnout, make an appointment with one of our nutritionists. Nutrition can help support your stress resilience practices and reduce the perception of stress.