Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail: Moving from “Should” to “Want”
Author: Meg Bowman MS CNS LDN CHES
The start of a new year often comes with the promise of a fresh start, but by February, many resolutions have already fallen by the wayside. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. One of the biggest reasons resolutions fail is that they’re often rooted in what we think we should do, rather than what we truly want to do. Let’s explore why this distinction matters and how you can reframe your goals to create a more fulfilling, sustainable path in 2025.
Why “Should” Resolutions Fall Apart
Resolutions based on “should” often stem from external expectations. Maybe you feel you should lose weight because of societal pressures, or you should wake up at 5 a.m. to exercise because it’s what all the “productive” people do. While these goals might sound good on paper, they often lack the emotional connection needed to sustain them. Here’s why “should” resolutions typically fail:
They Feel Like Obligations: Goals driven by “should” often carry a sense of guilt or duty, which can make them feel burdensome and unenjoyable.
They Lack Personal Meaning: Without a deeper “why” that resonates with you, it’s hard to stay motivated when challenges arise.
They’re Often Unrealistic: When resolutions are based on external expectations, they’re more likely to be rigid and unattainable, setting you up for failure.
The Power of “Want” Goals
In contrast, goals rooted in what you truly want are intrinsically motivated. They align with your values, desires, and unique circumstances, making them more meaningful and sustainable. For example, instead of thinking, “I should exercise more,” you might realize, “I want to feel more energetic so I can keep up with my kids.” This shift in perspective changes everything.
Intrinsic motivation fuels lasting change because it:
Connects to Your Values: When your goals align with what matters most to you, they feel purposeful and rewarding.
Fosters Joy and Satisfaction: Goals you truly want to pursue are more enjoyable, which makes it easier to stick with them.
Builds Resilience: When setbacks happen, you’re more likely to keep going because you’re pursuing something that genuinely matters to you.
Understanding the “Should” vs. “Want” Dynamic
Imagine setting a resolution to eat more vegetables because you think you should. You might buy kale and broccoli, force yourself to eat them, and dread every meal. Now, consider reframing that goal: “I want to find ways to enjoy vegetables because I value feeling nourished and energized.” This subtle shift allows you to approach the goal with curiosity and flexibility. Maybe you experiment with roasting vegetables with your favorite spices or adding greens to a smoothie. Instead of feeling like a chore, eating vegetables becomes an enjoyable part of your routine.
Introducing the Bingo Card Method
If your 2025 resolutions haven’t panned out, it’s time to try something new: a bingo card filled with goals and experiences you genuinely want to pursue. This playful, flexible approach takes the pressure off and makes personal growth feel exciting and achievable.
How It Works:
Create Your Bingo Card: Download our customizable bingo card template. On the first page, you’ll see an example of a complete bingo card created by one of our clients. On the second page, you’ll see a bank bingo card that you can fill with a mix of experiences, achievements, and activities that align with your interests and values. Examples might include:
Take a 10-minute walk in nature.
Try a new healthy recipe.
Go to high tea.
Journal about three things you’re grateful for.
Spend an afternoon doing something creative, like painting or gardening.
Focus on Fun and Variety: Include a mix of goals that range from small, easy wins to bigger challenges. The idea is to create a card that excites you, not one that feels like a to-do list.
Set Your Own Pace: There’s no deadline to fill your bingo card. Work on it throughout the year, celebrating each square you complete. The focus is on progress, not perfection.
Celebrate Your Wins: When you complete a row, column, or the entire card, treat yourself to a reward that aligns with your goals. Maybe it’s a relaxing spa day, a new book, or a night out with friends.
Why the Bingo Card Works
The bingo card method shifts the focus from rigid resolutions to joyful exploration. It encourages you to:
Pursue What You Truly Want: By filling your card with goals that excite you, you’re more likely to stay motivated.
Embrace Flexibility: With a variety of goals to choose from, you can adapt your efforts to fit your mood and circumstances.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: The playful nature of a bingo card removes the pressure to “get it right” and celebrates small wins.
Moving Forward with Joy
The beauty of the bingo card method is that it transforms goal-setting into a positive, empowering experience. Instead of feeling bad about failed resolutions, you can approach 2025 with curiosity, flexibility, and a focus on what truly matters to you.
By shifting from “should” to “want,” you’re not just setting goals—you’re creating a life that feels aligned, fulfilling, and joyful. So, let go of the resolutions that don’t serve you, embrace the goals that light you up, and start filling your bingo card today.